Monday
Jun042012

Vegas 

 I love Vegas. We go about twice a year. I don't gamble, but I spa, lay out by the pool, let myself generally eat whatever I want and revel in the fact that I don't have to be anywhere or do anything. If I want to nap, or have another cocktail by the pool, I can. If I don't get around to dinner until 9:00pm, that is ok because there is always somewhere to eat. I love the freedom of just "being" and surrendering to my OWN desires.

I also take a lot of pictures.

(All pics taken with my Iphone and processed with Camera+)

 

 

 

 

 I'm working on getting what I see in my head to come out in my pictures. It doesn't always happen, but these photos come pretty close to the shapes, angles and light I was seeing.

Friday
Jun012012

Challenge. Commit. Create.

Thoughts of what I SHOULD be doing swirl around me threatening to pull me under and drown me in the vortex of what I (and others) believe my life should look like:

I have a Master's degree: I SHOULD use it.

I am a social worker: I SHOULD get a job as one

All the classmates I graduated with have these awesome careers (at least according to Facebook) I SHOULD have one too!

I have been at home long (lazy) enough: I SHOULD get a job and start bringing home a paycheck!

At the heart, that is what I struggle with: I should be making money, and writing a blog, working on a novel or creating an ecourse that no one is ever going to read or take is not going to make me any money so it is not what I SHOULD be doing. BUT...

If all the SHOULDS are the riptide that keep pulling me under leaving me breathless and frozen, then the WANT is the sweet  breath gasped into my lungs during the brief moments I let my head come rise out of the water.

During the sweet Marianne Elliott's 30 Days of Courage class http://marianne-elliott.com/ I journaled:

If I were 20 years younger, I would immerse myself in acting, writing and other performing class. I can't do it now, because, honestly, why bother? It is not like I would ever use it! But maybe that is the bravest thing of all: to do it, anyway.

So, for the month of June I am challenging myself to commit to creativity - anyway.

My Challenges:

To open my website every single day. No word counts, no time limits, just sit my butt down in front of the computer and spend time in this space that bears my name.

Honor my creative space. No more hiding what I'm doing from my family. No more closing the computer when they walk in the room, no more sneaking photo taking when they aren't looking.

Open up this website. Yes now, as is, with all its flaws and imperections. Yes, I know it needs work, a lot of it, but the fact is I have had it for MONTHS and I keep saying, "I'll open it when..." Now is as good as time as any I suppose!

Yoga

Run (well, still walking due to foot surgery, but working toward it)

Meditate

Utilize the wonderful resource of my fellow BFTHs. To post at least one thoughtful comment per day in our group.

I still trust that I will end up where I belong, and if it is social work, that is fine. I'm going to continue to send my resume out to jobs I believe I would be a good fit for, but I'm also going to start letting go of SHOULD and embrace the WANT!

I invite you to take this challenge with me, whatever your heart tells you your challenge is. Please post in the comments what you are challenging yourself with this month and we can take this journey together.

 

Tuesday
May012012

Frustrating

New website set up not going well. Thought they said it would be easy. They lied. Squarespace sucks.

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