Entries in life (4)

Thursday
Jan312013

Taking The Long Way Around


   Well, I fought with a stranger and I met myself
I opened my mouth and I heard myself
It can get pretty lonely when you show yourself
Guess I could have made it easier on myself

But I, I could never follow
No I, I could never follow

Well, I never seem to do it like anybody else
Maybe someday, someday I'm gonna settle down
If you ever want to find me I can still be found
Taking the long way
Taking the long way around
Taking the long way
Taking the long way around

Maybe i have just been too worried about doing it "right."
Maybe I should be worried about just doing it.
Trust the process.
Trust Myself.
Trust that, in the words of the amazing Marie Forelo,  that crazy dream I've buried deep inside, yeah, THAT one, is the one I'm supposed to follow.
Trust more. Seek acceptance less.

I know have something to say. Something to offer. I may not always be sure exactly what that is, but I have finally realized (and accepted) that sitting around waiting for the vague image of what I want my blog to be, do, say, to become clear, "is not manifesting the glory of God that is within me", that is within all of us.

My daughter doesn't wait to dance until she knows all the steps perfectly. She just does it. Over and over again if necessary, until she gets it right, and she feels no shame about not having it right the first time. she doesn't "play small." She just gets out there and shines. She inherently knows that the power and beauty of dance already lies within her and at the same time knows that the only way to access it, to show it to the world is to... well....dance...(as if the world isn't watching) and there is such beauty in that it often brings me to tears.

Zoe DancingIt is time to Challenge

Challenge myself to trust

It is time to Commit

Commit to myself

It is time to Create

Create my voice

It is time to dance!

 

Thursday
Sep272012

Going Back to Cali

 

I'm going back to Cali, shakin 'em, bakin 'em
Takin 'em to spots they never before hung
?? the place, on Sunset it's a trip
Where the A.C.'s cold, and the girls still strip
The record skip, but this girl kept dancin
Prancin, grindin, grinnin, romancin
I asked her to the barn, so we could hit the hay
I wanna do this, Brutus, but I don't wanna pay

I'm going back to Cali, Cali, Cali
I'm going back to Cali - no man I don't think so

I'm back in California after 22 years. 22 years of bad choices, big mistakes and unexpected grace. I think about that poor misguided little girl who ran screaming left all those years ago and I want to reach out and yank her back, shake her and scream, "what the F*& do you think you are doing! No good can come from this!" Of course I'd be right, but even if she knew how right I was she wouldn't have listened. She would have to figure it out for herself.

I still don't have it all figured out, I wish I did, but do any of us ever? I wish I could say that I am a totally different person than I was 22 years ago, and in many ways I am, but there is still enough of that self-destructive, desperately seeking...something lost girl left to give me pause and wish I were better, further along, more successful...different.

It so easy to mourn the person you aren't, the woman you want to be. It's harder to look honestly and see the growth, change, goodness, the character beneath the scars. The road that still needs to be traveled is so much easier to see that the one already traversed. 

 I'm a great mom, with two great kids, I have a good career, and am good at my job, I'm healthy. None, of which could be said about the girl who left here all those years ago. Not even close. How far we have come.

 

Monday
Aug272012

August Break

Conflicted about the end of summer....

Friday
Jun152012

TGI Friday

Summer has arrived with a vengeance! I'm not sure where the "vacation" part is, but the kids are out of school and the sun is blazing.  Between recital, My son's new job, preparing for my daughter's trip to the lake, we are running around like crazy! Amidst all the (continuing) chaos I'm still finding time to reflect on my TGI this Friday:

I am trusting: that the vacation part of summer vacation will arrive soon and my days (at least part of some)  will be filled with lazy time by the pool and a cocktail or two!

I am grateful: For the other dance moms who make me feel like I'm NOT crazy or at least that I'm  not the only one who is losing my mind during recital season. I'm also grateful that recital season is over...until next year!

I'm inspired, as always, but my Tiny Dancer. When I watch you dance, I see all the beauty present in the universe. I'm so happy you have found your passion, and I promise to do everything I can to encourage it! Dance on, Sweet Girl!

Please share what TGI you have this week!